Wedding Articles by Robbin Montero

“30-something” Couples, Second Time Around and Renewal of Vows

Robbin Montero — Fri, 13 May 2011 17:54:31 +0000

Love may indeed be lovelier the second time around, as the song says. Many second marriage couples and mature couples renewing their vows would agree. But what is the best way to properly capture the spirit of these celebrations?

Second wedding options

Much fuss is made over whether mature brides entering into a second marriage choose to wear white, for example. White was associated with joy long before some Puritan decided it should represent virginity. I say, let mature brides wear whatever they choose.

Gift etiquette is an area of confusion. Bridal showers and acceptance of gifts is appropriate for a second wedding, but many couples prefer to discourage gifts because they are blending households. Excellent gift alternatives for them include an overnight stay at a bed & breakfast inn, a restaurant certificate, a gift certificate to a plant nursery or hardware store, even a donation to a favorite charity.

Who pays for a second wedding? Some parents will assist, but over-30-something couples and second-timers commonly pay for the wedding and reception. As a point of etiquette, the bridal couples’ names appear on the invitations as hosts of the celebration, rather than the names of their parents.

Large second weddings are socially acceptable, but many second-timers opt for small weddings, attended largely or exclusively by family members. Second weddings and vow renewals tend to be simple, intimate affairs.

Reception food stations are popular and allow friends and family more opportunity to socialize. This is especially appreciated if guests travel some distance to attend the celebration.

Weekend or destination weddings may be preferred over a large guest list. Destination weddings allow extended sharing and festivities removed from the everyday setting. Those meeting for the first time have more opportunity to become acquainted.

Vow renewal ceremonies often take place in conjunction with an important anniversary celebration or shortly after an elopement. Since they preclude showers and pre-wedding parties, guests may give gifts. A reception for a recently married couple may stand alone or follow the vow renewal.

More on family involvement

Children from previous marriages often participate in the ceremony as a unifying gesture and commitment to successfully blending families. Children can also stand up as members of the bridal party. An older son can walk the bride down the aisle. Young and teenaged children can be assigned responsibilities such as ushering or monitoring the signing of the guest book.

Rings or triple circle pendants, signifying the creation of a new family, may be offered to the children during the ceremony. Children over eighteen years of age can legally sign the marriage license as witnesses. Regardless how you choose to involve them, consider ways each child can participate to make the day more special.

Special touches

If you are going around a second time with the same person, display first wedding photos, newspaper announcements, your original wedding dress and veil, if you have it. Dust off the toasting glasses and call the original cake topper into service again. Invite guests who attended the original ceremony to share a memory with other guests.

There’s nothing like experience to make our hopes and expectations more focused and meaningful. Pledges written by second-time and renewing bridal couples are special because they draw on shared experiences etched in their hearts and memories. I encourage anyone who is marrying the second time or renewing their vows to write their own pledges to enrich the celebration for your partner and to touch the hearts of those gathered to celebrate with you.

“Stress Free, Leave the Details to Me,” is the tried and true philosophy of Robbin Montero, California Wine Country wedding planning expert and owner of A Dream Wedding. Robbin is the premier wedding planner in the Northern California Wine Country, transforming any vision into the perfectly designed wedding creation. Robbin and her weddings have been featured in The Knot, Brides, Elite Magazine, Your Wedding Day and Vine Napa/Sonoma magazines, and ImportantOccasions.com. Travel & Leisure magazine calls Robbin, “The expert wedding planner in the California Wine Country.”

Elopements/Intimate Weddings — Romance, Spontaneity and individuality

Robbin Montero — Fri, 13 May 2011 17:52:41 +0000

Gone are the days when a young man propped a ladder up to his beloved’s window and burst forth in a poetic soliloquy before whisking her off to elope. However, even today there’s something to be said for the romance, secrecy and spontaneity of elopement. Elopement remains popular for older and second marriage couples for a variety of reasons. With the rising cost of weddings, elopement is also gaining in popularity among younger people.

Elopements have undeniable elements of surprise and romance, but each couple needs to decide if elopement is right for them. Would the family be disappointed if the couple chose not to have a large, elaborate wedding? Young first-time brides should consider that this is the time for their traditional wedding. Couples who disagree on whether to have a traditional wedding or elopement, should sit down together and discuss the issue. Chances are good that there is a satisfactory compromise. However, if you come up with a mutually appealing elopement plan, go for it!

The budget factor

An aspect of elopement that appeals to many couples is the opportunity to save money. When option exists to limit persons in attendance to an officiant and witnesses, there is no need for printed invitations, no rehearsal dinner and no costs associated with a church ceremony or formal wedding transportation. Music and flowers are kept to a minimum and the less formal event calls for simpler wedding wear for the bride and groom.

Some couples will invite only the immediate family, godparents and grandparents. Others will extend invitations to very close friends, aunts and uncles. Generally, an elopement-type wedding involves telephone invitations and the simplified ceremony and reception are hosted fully by the bride and groom. Invited guests or witnesses to elopement weddings are considered intimates, so this type of wedding invitation is a special honor.

Get up and go

For couples who like the spontaneity of elopement, many locales do not require waiting periods on marriage licenses. In Las Vegas you can fly in and get married a nice hotel or chapel over the weekend and fly home. Elevating the aspect of romance is a reason why many elopements become destination weddings. The Northern California Wine Country, where couples can marry amid scenic vineyards, is a favorite spot. Many couples marry on the beach in Hawaii.

In the case of destination elopements, the bridal couple is not expected to pay for guest hotel rooms or travel expenses, but it is a nice thing to do for a small group if it can be afforded. It is important to make clear at the time of the invitation which expenses will be borne by the guests.

Simplicity and individuality

Even the simplest elopement can create wonderful memories for the bridal couple. Some couples choose to be joined only by an officiant and required witnesses in a public park setting. Or, they return to a favorite place, such as where they first met. When using a public site, be prepared to share the area with others. A public place is not where you should marry if other park activities, for example, will be disruptive and annoying to you.

Some couples mix things up with an informal reception hosted by themselves or their parents following their very private elopement. Others opt out of the large celebration altogether to use the money saved as a down-payment on a first home. Whether you choose a big wedding, an elopement, or something in between, plan to start your life together in the way that works best for you and the memories you want to carry through life together.

Destination Weddings Make Beautiful Memories

Robbin Montero — Fri, 13 May 2011 17:41:01 +0000

A vineyard in summer, a beach at sunset, a glen in the midst of towering trees or an exciting cosmopolitan city—all are great destination choices for a wedding. Many couples choose locations with romantic associations, such as where they grew up or became engaged. Others choose wedding destinations for the fun or scenic backdrop they offer. Favored wedding destinations in the U.S. include the Sonoma-Napa Wine Country, and Hawaii. Las Vegas tops the list as the most chosen destination wedding site. From elopements to grandiose affairs of 200 guests, destination weddings have tripled in popularity in the last three years.

Local help

If you don’t have family in the area or a trusted someone who can perform the necessary research for you, hiring a wedding planner and coordinator is a must for your destination wedding. A local coordinator will assist you in finding the perfect reception site, source and secure vendors, make telephone calls, tend to local errands and save you unnecessary trips to the destination. Utilize the Internet for research or call the Chamber of Commerce or Convention and Visitors Bureau to locate a coordinator. Most offer very helpful “wedding packets” that list services you will need.

If you haven’t hired a wedding coordinator, plan on making four to six trips to the destination; one to two trips to locate the site, an additional trip or two for hiring vendors, one trip a few months in advance of the wedding to finalize the details, and the final journey to attend your rehearsal, ceremony and reception. Make the most of your time by calling ahead and scheduling appointments for your planning trips. Many locations fill quickly, so planning at least 12 to 18 months ahead is highly recommended.

Weekend weddings

Have you always dreamed of Maui at sunset? Most couples planning a destination wedding prefer an intimate feel to their special day and wish to have very close family and friends in attendance; thus the creation of an entire weekend wedding concept. Friday evening starts out with the wedding rehearsal and dinner. All guests that have traveled a great distance should be invited to the rehearsal dinner and perhaps a drop-in barbeque the day of the wedding (or the day following). Golf, wine tours, spa treatments or sightseeing events are commonly scheduled for guests the day after the ceremony.

Pre-wedding letters are a must for a destination wedding. Your guests will appreciate being alerted to the schedule of weekend activities, information about the area, overnight accommodations, and particular points of interest.

Other considerations

Laws differ from state to state. Avoid last-minute surprises by checking the marriage license laws in the state where you will marry. Most states require a waiting period and blood tests, along with the necessary paperwork. California laws have become less stringent in the last few years. In addition to the scenic vineyards, the elimination of waiting periods and blood tests have probably contributed to the popularity of Northern California Wine Country.

Las Vegas is most popular for elopements and round-the-clock fun! Each Hawaiian island has unique features, making Hawaii a top choice for intimate, romantic tropical weddings. Finally, couples who love food and wine are drawn to the California Wine Country.

Coordinating a destination wedding requires additional planning and funds due to the added cost of airfare for several trips to the site, hotel accommodations and long-distance phone calls. However, destination weddings are preferred by couples who want a one-of-a-kind wedding memories. Destination weddings make guests feel extra special and give the wedding couple a memory-filled place to visit for joyous anniversary celebrations.

Modern Wedding Etiquette

Robbin Montero — Fri, 13 May 2011 17:39:26 +0000

What we once considered to be proper wedding behavior was actually held over from the Elizabethan and Renaissance eras. Many traditions have gone out of style in the past thirty years. The following variations on wedding civilities are better suited to today’s lifestyle and varied personal circumstances.

Vows

The obligatory phrase for the bride to “honor and obey” her husband has been replaced with numerous alternatives more reflective of equality in the relationship, especially when couples define their relationship in self-composed vows.

Honoring parents

Jewish tradition for the groom to enter with both parents, followed by the bride with her parents, is being borrowed for Christian ceremonies. It acknowledges the importance of both parents and their contributions in preparing the couple for success.

Wedding march escorts

If the father is unavailable or it is a second marriage, brides may walk alone or with another important figure of either gender. A sibling, mother, grandfather, son or very close friend make suitable escorts.

Parents as members of the bridal party

There is growing acceptance of including parents in the bridal party, even as “man of honor” and “best woman” if that is what the bridal couple wants.

Not necessarily two-by-two

Brides and grooms needn’t worry about an even number of bridesmaids and groomsmen. Feel free to include only your most cherished friends or loved ones, even if it means you will have three bridesmaids and he will have five groomsmen.

Bridal apparel

Theme weddings that have influenced bridal fashion. Burgundy, pink or champagne gowns, such as those worn for Renaissance-themed weddings, are becoming more popular. White and cream remain top gown color choices for first-time brides since the 1920s, but are also okay for second-time brides today. Brides should choose whatever makes them feel beautiful on this special day. Many bridesmaids applaud when the bride chooses elegant and slenderizing black for bridesmaids’ dresses. Men are foregoing the black and white tuxedo for more practical linen or contemporary suits they can wear later.

Wedding hosts

It is increasingly common for both sets of parents to be named as hosts on the invitation. Along with that, there is more interactive development of the wedding guest list.

Showers

Once considered a terrible breach of etiquette, sisters and close family members (but never the mother of the bride) can hostess bridal showers when serving as maid of honor. Couples showers are replacing bachelor and bachelorette parties, possibly because so many couples are marrying later or for a second time. I like this sensible nod to equality and less emphasis on old fashioned gender roles.

At the reception

Now that brides almost never live at their parents’ home when they marry, it is acceptable for guests and others to send wedding gifts to the bride’s residence before the wedding. Some guests insist on bringing gifts the day of the wedding, so a table is set up at the reception for this purpose. Guests, please do not deliver gifts to the wedding ceremony.

Wedding toasts to the health of newlyweds are standard at receptions. However, newlyweds who toast to their parents and guests who have traveled long distances add a very special reciprocal touch.

Receiving lines have been on the decline in less formal weddings since the late 1980s. However, it will never go out of fashion for the bride and groom to visit each table to speak personally to every guest and thank them for their attendance.

If you are considering altering an accepted wedding or reception standard, ask yourself whether it will enhance the experience for you or if it will help you show appreciation to those who participate or attend. If the answer is “yes” to both questions, go for it.

Turn-Of-”This”-Century Wedding Trends

Robbin Montero — Fri, 13 May 2011 17:36:32 +0000

Around the start of this millennium, there began a trend toward simpler weddings with increased focus on family and friendship. And, after investing so much time, energy, and money in their nuptial celebrations, why shouldn’t couples want more time to savor the occasion with family and friends?

Where to wed

In a trend than harkens back to times when days-long celebrations were the norm, more couples are choosing “wedding weekends” when family and friends have traveled from afar. The expanded celebration allows everyone more time together and often becomes a mini-vacation for wedding guests. In Northern California guests might see the spectacular California coastline, magnificent redwoods or nearby San Francisco. In this food and wine region, the wedding couple might host a barbecue or schedule a Wine Country tour for the day following the wedding.

Destination weddings have tripled in popularity recently as more couples choose to hold their weddings far from home. Among the most popular romantic and exotic locations are the California Wine Country, Hawaii, Jamaica and Las Vegas. Destination weddings are generally under one hundred people and include mostly very close family and friends. These weddings are about being with people you love in a fabulous location so wedding rehearsal dinners generally include everyone.

Customizing touches

Couples create unique memories when they personalize and update ceremony and reception traditions. Following a long reception, a dessert and espresso bar adds a nice touch at the end of the evening. Cigar and port bars are popular today, too.

Journal-style guest books passed around at the receptions allow guests to enter spontaneous written good wishes for the couple. Picture guest books coordinated by a designated photographer—volunteer or professional—assure the couple will have a picture of everyone who attends because the photograph is adhered to the page the guest signs.

For smaller weddings, and particularly destination weddings, gift baskets in the hotel rooms of wedding guests are a welcoming gesture extended by bridal couples. The baskets generously show appreciation for the considerable effort and expense these guests put forth to attend.

Wine, sparkling or otherwise, is today’s adult beverage of choice. Especially in Wine Country, pairing wines with cuisine is a well-received reception trend.

We finally seem to have seen enough bouquet and garter toss disasters. Brides are deleting them from receptions, along with wedding favors–a cost to the bridal couple which has no real meaning for guests.

Simplicity

Photo journalist-style photography is continuing in popularity, as is black and white and digital photography. Artistic realism, creative angles and candid, unposed shots create albums with a personal point of view.

Plain platinum and two-toned wedding rings in either solitaire or band styles, elegant cakes on which beautiful flowers replace cake toppers and hand-tied bouquets are current favorite for many brides. “Simple and elegant” is the wedding planning mantra of today’s bride

The Dish on Dining

Fabulous food is front and center as are green weddings for today’s couples. Demonstration food stations, which are similar to tasting menus, are perfect for the social couple. Pairing wines to each station adds an elegant touch.

Usually adding to the cost, environmentally conscious couples are investing in eco-friendly catering, also known as “green weddings.”

Full liquor bars, signature drinks, and flavored martini bars are making a comeback for the cocktail reception. Raw seafood and shooter bars are another current fad for the hors d’oeuvres.

Today’s Wedding Traditions Evolved From Ancient Customs

Robbin Montero — Fri, 13 May 2011 17:35:14 +0000

Gold wedding rings, tiered cakes with icing, the long, white gown—all are traditions we associate with modern weddings. However, these traditions have roots in practical, romantic and odd ancient customs.

For example, the sweet, iced wedding cakes served today spring from more humble, flat “grooms-cakes” made by a family member. As young unmarried girls left the reception, they took a piece of grooms-cake displayed on the table and wrapped in a piece of bridal veil. The single lady then placed the cake under her pillow at night and dreamed of her future groom!

Other wedding cake traditions centered on fertility. In one, the actual wedding pound cake was broken up and sprinkled over the couple to assure their fertility. Today we throw rice or birdseed. The stacking of wedding cakes began as a ritual in which the bride and groom would see how many cakes they could reach over for a kiss. The number of stacked cakes predicted the number of children they would have. A 13th century Frenchman began icing stacked cakes, starting the style of wedding cakes we know today and look upon merely as delicious good luck symbols.

Have you ever wondered about the origin of the phrase “tying the knot”? In ancient tribal days, a girl was wrapped in a sheet with a knot tied in the front, signifying to the groom and his family that she was a virgin. The groom had the privilege of untying the knot on their wedding night.

Weddings are pivotal in all cultures. In some primitive tribes the bride and bridesmaids dress identically. Because superstition played a role in shaping the ceremony and celebrations, dressing the women in the wedding party alike was thought to confuse evil spirits. (In more recent, but still superstitious times, the ringing of church bells and the release of doves also helped ward off evil and blue was the color that signified purity.)

A tribal best man’s duties were somewhat unusual. When women were scarce, it was the job of a tribe’s best warrior to steal potential brides from neighboring tribes. The groom-to-be and the warrior would sneak off under cover of darkness. The warrior would then club the chosen bride over the head and literally abduct her! The event turned into a swashbuckling drama as the “best man” would then adeptly fight off angry relatives, should the girl awaken prematurely and cry out.

Later in Europe, unhappy relatives had a practical role in shaping customs. The best man, in a warrior-like role, stood to the right of the groom, sword in hand, to stop intruding clan members.

Flower girls and ring bearers are newer additions to wedding parties. A flower girl first appeared in the middle ages, bearing wheat to symbolize fertility. The ring bearer was added mainly for symmetry.

Especially in this country, girls dream of wearing a flowing white wedding gown from an early age, thanks to Anne of Brittany. She donned a white gown to marry King Louis VII of France in 1499. Prior to this, women just wore the best dress they owned. American brides also carry on the quaint custom of wearing “something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue” to bring them luck.

The most enduring symbol of marriage, the circular wedding ring symbolizes eternal love and devotion. Ancient rings were forged of iron, to last forever like marriage. Today’s gold and platinum rings are still placed on the third finger of the left hand. This is a holdover from an old belief that a vein ran directly from the heart to the ring finger. To this day some brides still believe it is bad luck to remove their wedding ring for any reason.

Who Pays For What?

Robbin Montero — Fri, 13 May 2011 17:30:35 +0000

Dowries no longer exist in our culture. Also long gone by the wayside is the old notion that the bride’s family is financially responsible for the entire cost of the wedding and reception. Having your parents bear the entire expense of a wedding and reception is not a birthright. Their contribution is a gift and, with the skyrocketing cost of weddings, is has become commonplace for both sets of parents and the bridal couple to share in this major expense.

When setting your wedding budget, start by asking what amount, if any, your parents are willing to contribute. They may wish to cover some, if not all, of the services and items on your list. Modern tradition still observes the following financial allocations.

Traditional expenses of groom and/or groom’s parents

The groom’s parents (and/or groom) are responsible for the cost of the bride’s and bridesmaids’ bouquets, all corsages for the ladies and boutonnieres for the gentlemen. The groom bears the expense of the marriage license and officiant’s fee, but not the church or ceremony location charges. The groom or his parents pay for expenses associated with transportation of the bride and groom to the ceremony and reception, and transportation to the wedding night room.

The entire cost of the honeymoon and the bride’s ring is the responsibility of the groom and/or groom’s parents, as well as any gifts given to the bride. Accommodations for the groomsmen, whether arriving from out-of-town, or if a destination wedding is planned, are also the responsibility of the groom. The groom pays the cost of rental or purchase of his tuxedo.

Always an optional expense for the groom’s family, it is commonly expected that the groom’s parents are financially responsible for the rehearsal dinner. Depending on circumstances, the groom and groom’s parents can also offer assistance for a next-day brunch, or they can choose to pay for particular wedding items, such as the photography, champagne or cake.

Traditional expenses of the bride’s family

The bride’s family is responsible for all other expenses, which include the engagement party and the rehearsal dinner (if the groom’s parents do not pay). They will cover the entire cost of the reception, including the site rental, catering fees, beverages, wedding cake, all other flowers and decorations for the site. The bride’s dress, invitations, music for the ceremony and reception, cost of the church or ceremony site, photography and/or videography, wedding coordinator, party favors, guest transportation (if needed), and a trousseau for the bride also come under the responsibility of the bride’s family. They are also responsible for the cost of rooms for the bridesmaids at destination weddings, or for the rooms of women in the bridal party who are arriving from out-of-town.

Of course, times have changed and many brides are professional women who, along with their groom, contribute considerably to the expenses of the wedding. Some are capable of and desire to pay for their own weddings, splitting costs with their future spouse.

Other expenses

Bridesmaids are responsible for the cost of their dresses, any alterations and accessories. They also pay for shower and wedding gifts, as well as the expense of hosting or co-hosting the bridal shower(s) and bachelorette party.

Groomsmen are responsible for renting their tuxedos, any alterations and accessories. They also pay for wedding gifts, and hosting or co-hosting a bachelor (or coed bachelor/ bachelorette) party.

Discuss the budget of your wedding up front with everyone who might participate in covering the expenses. Doing so will help you make the most of a realistic budget so you can have the touches you feel are important to your celebration of marriage.

How to Save Money Planning Your Wedding

Robbin Montero — Fri, 13 May 2011 17:16:13 +0000

Beautiful weddings don’t have to be costly. How much fun can it be to have a fabulous wedding and then worry how to pay off the debt? Anyone can have a lovely wedding within their means by setting aside some money, planning ahead and prioritizing their choices. These money-saving tips can also help you stretch your dollar, without sacrificing quality.

Professional Help

If for no other reason than the money-saving opportunities, consider hiring a wedding planner and coordinator to expertly plan and orchestrate your wedding from beginning to end. The planner will help you develop a realistic budget. This expert has already sourced the vendors and knows the best values in the market. They can uncover hidden costs and surprises in contracts. Discounts that would not otherwise be available to the bride, groom can be passed on to the couple through the planner. Then, while you enjoy a special day, the coordinator will make sure your wedding day runs smoothly and without overtime charges.

Sites

Book your site at least 18 months in advance to secure the better-valued locations and vendors and to avoid “panic buying”. Look for off-season, Friday or Sunday discounts. Save thousands in decorations by choosing a site with existing style and decor. Understand what’s included in the price and be wary of hidden costs. Most country clubs and hotels offer package deals that include table and chair rentals, making them an excellent deal.

Guest count

The cost of invitees accounts for approximately 40-50% of the wedding budget, depending on the location and site. For substantial savings, cut back the number of guests.

Caterers

In some cases, buffets are usually the better value with the most variety. Double-check with caterers to see what is included with the price you are quoted. What sounds like an inexpensive price quote up-front, may not include items such as staff, china, linens or silverware.

Photographers

Choose discounted package deals. Items such as parent albums are almost always extra.

Videographers

Again, stick with package deals. Couples who cannot afford a “storybook style” video can consider having only the ceremony videotaped for a lot less money.

Florists

Ask the florist to focus on seasonal flowers to avoid the costly imports. If you love Calla lilies, consider using one lily as the focal point and surrounding it with inexpensive filler flowers or greenery.

Gowns

Utilize a full service bridal salon. End-of-season discounts usually run from October through January. For bridesmaid dresses, you can check local stores for end-of-season discounts.

Cakes

The towering, exquisite cakes in the magazines are beautiful and costly. Have your cake and eat it, too. For weddings of 100-150 guests, consider displaying a smaller decorated cake for 75 on a cake table, and back it up with a sheet cake for 75 in the kitchen. Note that some bakeries will not charge less for sheet cakes, so get quotes. Also, opt for buttercream icing instead of the higher priced fondant.

Honeymoon

Check with your agent for off-season honeymoon locations, which can save you anywhere from 20-50%. Keep in mind that off-season usually means fall and winter weather.

Always read the entire contract, including the fine print. Look for any extras that weren’t included in the initial quoted price. Make sure everything is covered to your satisfaction in writing.

Though you are on a budget, the old saying “You get what you pay for” certainly applies to weddings. Using family and friends can create tensions and wedding day problems. Start planning early so your budget will allow you to hire quality professionals. In the long run, doing so will save you time, money, and stress.

Why Weddings Cost So Much

Robbin Montero — Thu, 12 May 2011 23:34:52 +0000

One of the biggest hurdles for parents planning a wedding is that thirty years may have passed since they last planned a wedding. To say things have changed in that time is an understatement. Back then, brides were often unaware of the costs and the mother of the bride often made all the plans.

To give perspective, I often tell couples and their parents to consider the cost of medium-priced cars then and now. Then, a car cost about $3,500, the same as the cost of a wedding. Today, a wedding with all the trimmings still costs the same as a mid-priced new car, which can be around $25,000 to 50,000, depending on the locale.

Calculating the scope of expenses

Before you argue that sounds like too much money, remember the cost of the wedding is much more than the ceremony location and food and beverage expenses. Couples frequently underestimate their wedding expenses by calculating only the cost of the reception. The cost of an officiant to marry them, the ceremony music, reception music, flowers for the ceremony and reception, invitations, and announcements are significant expenses that cannot be overlooked. There’s also transportation, a wedding dress, tuxedos, a wedding cake, a photographer, a videographer, party favors, and the rehearsal dinner. Regardless who will bear these costs, they are all factored into the total cost of a wedding.

Though often not figured directly into wedding expenses, I’m sure the bride does not consider the costs of hair styling, make-up, manicures and other personal services in preparation for her to look her best to be minor incidentals. They are also real expenses unique to the wedding party, which will have many such extras.

Couples are also prone to miscalculating the number of guests. Some costs (wedding dress, ceremony, reception music, photography, flowers, for example) remain the same regardless how many guests attend. Many of the costs of a wedding are the same whether you will have 50 or 500 guests. Known as “hard costs”, they will be spread over the number of guests. Food, beverages, cake, rental equipment, and favors are among the costs that vary with the number of guests.

Choices that can cost or save

Most weddings take place between April and October, with the majority being scheduled for summer. Couples may pay a premium for popular sites and services during busy wedding season. Since most weddings take place on weekends, they may also bear extra labor expenses.

Many vendors only get to book weddings on weekends and, often, only one wedding per day. Vendors have a limited time to make their money. They don’t work weddings seven days a week. High-demand photographers, bakers and florists are able to charge premium rates that can inflate your expenses. Any bride who can consider booking her wedding on “off” days –Fridays, Sundays or mid-week– can explore favorable pricing opportunities.

Naturally, the cost of doing business varies by location and region. Metropolitan areas, such as Los Angeles, San Francisco, Chicago and New York City, are much more expensive places to marry than Kansas City, Missouri. California and New York also have a relatively high cost of doing business, as do popular destination cities commonly selected for weddings.

If you stop to think about all that goes into planning a beautiful wedding, and the number of vendors who will contribute to the day, it is easy to see why weddings cost so much. This is not like any other party you’ve hosted. However, if you decide what is most important to you before you commit to purchases, you can make choices that will help keep the cost of your dream wedding in line.